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struggling with my inner voice

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I’m not really a runner.

I decided to try the Couch to 5k program for a challenge. Motivation comes easier with a plan and a goal. The Ease into 5k app helps. It costs less than a frappuccino and is worth every penny.

I’m not really a runner.

I knew I would get to the point where I needed new shoes. It happened at week three. I woke up, got out of bed, and the balls of my feet didn’t like being on the floor. I was surprised. I thought it would be my arches to go first.

I’m not really a runner.

I was nervous about buying running shoes. They imply commitment. They make a statement. (They cost more than 30 frappuccinos!)

I’m not really a runner.

I asked the girl if there was anything I needed to know about breaking them in. “Just don’t go like eight miles the first time you wear them.” She was being serious. Did she miss the part about Couch to 5k?

I’m not really a runner.

Yesterday I completed week four. My feet feel awesome. There were times where I ran for six minutes. Six minutes! I’m not sure why I’m so surprised by my success.

Maybe it’s because I think I’m not really a runner?

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print is not dead + an original refashioned tote

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Printed books are alive and well in our house. These don’t even include the many Magic Tree House and Ivy and Bean books my daughter regularly checks out, in addition to the craft books I bring home.

Yes, I do tend to read a lot electronically, but if it’s not interactive, my daughter prefers her books on paper. I’m happy with that, and I’m not alone. A recent Pew Research report found “More than nine in ten parents of minor children say it is important to them that their children read print books.”

We bring home a back-breaking bag of books from the library each week, but I’m not complaining. My daughter will most likely spend a good part of her life in front of a screen. There’s no need to rush it.

tote note: This is one of the first refashioned bags I made out of one of my very favorite shirts. I tried to look for the original link in my archives, but I either didn’t write about it or didn’t do a good job of making it searchable. Anyway, it’s still the favorite shirt/bag I own.

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some thoughts on being brave

Update since I began writing this: yesterday Disney quietly pulled Merchandise Merida from its website, replacing her with the original Movie Merida. Do I dare have hope that Disney can be brave?

. . . . . .

Last Saturday, Disney crowned Merida its 11th official princess. She received quite the makeover for this special event. I’m not particularly happy with the changes they made to my daughter’s heroine and neither is she: “Did they take away her sword, too?”

Movie Merida, as we are now calling her, taught my daughter being brave is…

…courageous
…loyal
…adventurous
…truth
…standing tall
…facing fears
…love
…friendship
…admitting mistakes
…defiant
…shooting for the bullseye
…strong
…righting wrongs
…daring
…confident
…standing up to evil
…independent
…fighting for what’s right
…creative
…stubborn
…bold
…steadfast

The new Merida, on the other hand, has taught us a lot about corporate greed. Disney had a princess that was making millions, probably even billions, just the way she was. Why did Disney have to mess with her? Why did it have to bend and twist her into the same old stereotypical princess?

The real money is in the merchandising.

Disney turned a plucky teenager into a sexy adult. It gave her eyeliner and took away her freckles. It gave her bigger breasts and took from her waist. It added sparkles to her dress and took away her bow and quiver (and sword!).

However, there is one thing that Disney can’t take away. It’s what Movie Merida has already taught my girl, and millions of others, about being brave. In fact, it’s precisely because of Movie Merida that Merchandise Merida can teach us the most important lesson of all:

Disney is not brave.

recommend reading: There are so many thoughtful articles written about the new Merida, I can’t possibly link to them all. Here are just a few:

— ‘Brave’ creator blasts Disney for ‘blatant sexism’ in princess makeover.
— Seriously, Disney, I’m Trying to Take a Little Break Here – MUST YOU?
— Disney faces backlash over new “sexy” Merida; pulls new image from web site as a result.

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refashioning and thrifting doesn’t take away my guilt

I can’t stop thinking about the photograph taken by Taslima Akhter of a man and woman embracing each other in the ruins of Rana Plaza.

The gold bangle on her arm.
Her bright pink and orange sari covered in concrete dust.
An embroidered flower on her sleeve.
The way his arms wrap around her never letting go.
His single red tear.

Is cheap clothing really worth this? More than 800 1,000 dead and they’re still searching. What are we doing?

In my closet I check the tags for countries: China, Hong Kong, Nicaragua, Guatemala, India, Jordan, Indonesia, United Arab Emirates, Turkey, Vietnam, Macau, Cambodia, El Salvador, Philippines, and Sri Lanka. That’s just the shirts.

Refashioning doesn’t alleviate my guilt. Thrift store racks are filled with inexpensive brands: Old Navy, Walmart’s Faded Glory, Target’s Merona and Mossimo, Kohl’s Sonoma, and more. They’re here because we don’t wear our clothes until they’re worn out. We buy new when we’re bored. Why not? It doesn’t cost us much.

It doesn’t pay much, either. Just over a dollar a day in Bangladesh. $37 a month.

We demand cheap clothing. Companies push manufacturers for lower costs. Manufacturers cut corners to avoid losing contracts to competitors. Governments look the other way because their economies depend on these industries.

It’s a vicious cycle we’ve created. An enormous problem on a global scale. The only thing we can do as individuals is demand better. Pay attention to clothing labels. Educate ourselves. Be willing to pay more.

We can do better, and we should.

recommended reading: Kimberly Ann Elliott is a senior fellow at the Center for Global Development and an expert in international trade policy, with a particular focus on labor standards and trade as a tool for fighting global poverty. In an interview with The Washington Post, she shares relevant knowledge about what’s happening in these countries and how things can improve.

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review: notes from my travels

What do you know about Angelina Jolie? Even if you don’t read gossip websites or magazines, I bet you know she had crazy relationship with Billy Bob, has lots of tattoos and stole Brad away from Jennifer. It’s amazing what you can learn from the headlines in the grocery checkout line. It’s also amazing to find out what the tabloids don’t tell you.

book review angelina jolie notes from my travels

Jolie has been a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) since 2001. She has been on field missions around the world and met with internally displaced persons in more than 30 countries. Her mission is to bring awareness to the plight of over 35 million refugees in the world.

When I picked up Notes from My Travels, I didn’t know what to expect. The journals from Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Pakistan, Cambodia and Ecuador are thoughtful, moving and surprisingly unbiased. She reports on what she sees and experiences. She writes the stories people tell her. She mentions how grateful she is for what she has many times throughout the book. I found myself saying the same thing, and still do.

This book will stay with you. Parts of it are hard to read. The accounts are raw and from the heart. Families, communities, mothers and children have all suffered horrible, terrible things.

You may be thinking, why would I want to read this? In fact, my husband asked me that very question. All I can tell you is that amidst all of the sadness, there is a great sense of hope.

  • People who plan to rebuild their lives after losing literally everything, even knowing it could all be taken away again.
  • Children who have nothing but their torn clothes who still smile and dance and sing.
  • Neighbors, one blind and the other an amputee, sharing each others’ eyes and hands to work a small farm that may not even be cleared of mines.

Jolie says in her book, “These problems do not disappear just because we do not hear about them. There is so much more happening around the world than what is communicated to us about the top stories we do hear. We all need to look deeper and discover for ourselves…. What is the problem? Where is it? How can we help to solve it?”

Over the past few months, people have taken to the streets to protest the imbalance of wealth in our country. This book will make you think about the imbalance of wealth in our world.

related links:

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book review: mika brzezinski’s all things at once

book reviewI can remember the first time I really noticed Mika Brzezinski. It was the day Paris Hilton was released from jail. I was up early flipping through the cable news channels looking for, well, news. Hilton was the lead story everywhere except MSNBC. That’s because Brzezinski was refusing to read the story. In fact, she destroyed the story several times with it finally ending up in the shredder. I quickly became a fan. Brzezinski is both thoughtful and thought provoking. She’s also not afraid to give her opinion.

Her autobiography, All Things at Once, is a brutally honest memoir about her life choices and the lessons she’s learned along the way. She writes about her childhood, her career, being a wife and a mother. I laughed at the story about her mother serving “road-kill” at a dinner party for dignitaries. I cried when she described seeing her daughter for the first time after reporting from Ground Zero.

What I think about most, though, even months after finishing the book, is this question and answer from an interview Brzezinski did with her mother (emphasis mine).

“Be honest,” I said, when we’d reached a point of pause in our discussion. “Do you see yourself first as a mother, a wife, or an artist?”

“Oh,” my mother said, with her wonderful strong European accent. “That is impossible to answer, because I am all those things at once.”

“What I took away from this public exchange with my mother was that it’s right and good and necessary to carry all these different pictures in our minds as we move on in the world, but it’s also right and good and necessary to step back every once in a while and bring just one of those pictures into focus. To see everything you believe yourself to be, even if you can’t be all those things all the time…Yes, we can be all things at once, my mother told me. In fact, we must. But we must also accept that we can’t do everything all at once. It’s about mapping out, navigating, and constantly renegotiating your career, marriage, and family plans. All equally important – and all, ultimately, at once.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to figure that out for myself. Society likes labels. They make things easy. When people ask, “What do you do?” they’re usually looking for a single answer. But labels can be tricky. When we focus on just one, we can lose what makes us our true selves.

You may think Brzezinski made the wrong choice sacrificing time with her children to pursue her career. On the other hand, you might think she’s crazy for making career sacrifices to have a family. Either way, I think you’ll find yourself taking another look in the mirror asking, “Who am I?” and thinking, “Yes, I can be all these things at once.”

I’m looking forward to reading her latest book: Knowing Your Value.

related links:

— Brzezinski refuses to read the Paris Hilton story
— All Things at Once New York Times review
— Brzezinski on Morning Joe

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found the most important role model for my daughter — in the mirror

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I made a bold statement two weeks ago: we need new role models for our children. I also wanted to write about the three recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee and Tawakkul Karman.

Since then I’ve struggled with what to write in this space and what to talk about with my child. The fact is these three women are wonderful role models, but how do you explain the impact of their work to a child? I’m definitely not ready for the inevitable questions that would follow.

Then the obvious hit me like giant anvil on the head. Right now my daughter’s most important role models are myself and her dad. I re-read the quotes that have been nagging me in my t-shirt post.

  • A quarter of young women would rather win “America’s Next Top Model” than the Nobel Peace Prize, according to Oxygen Media.
  • Most American women can name at least one Kardashian sister, but the majority can’t name a single branch of the federal government.

The key word here is women not children. If I am my daughter’s role model now, is it fair to say that my role models may become her role models in the future? Maybe my job right now is to pay attention to what she sees me reading and watching.

It could be little things like choosing Time instead of People magazine or the evening news instead of Access Hollywood. It could be bigger things like watching a documentary or choosing a biography that’s more age appropriate so I can talk about it with her.

One thing I know for sure, I’m going to continue seeking out the stories that are getting lost in today’s world, and I still plan on writing about them. When the time comes to talk about them with my daughter, I want to be ready.

resource: I’ve mentioned Lisa Bloom’s book Think. I read it around the same time my daughter started kindergarten. Those two events really shocked me into paying more attention to messages my daughter is receiving from myself and our culture. Here’s a video clip with some of the questions Bloom asked college students for her book. The answers may surprise you!

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talking about better role models for our children

Since I wrote “Which came first: dumb t-shirts or dumb attitudes?” I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, reading, watching and writing — trying to figure out how I’m going to help my child become a smart, successful, confident adult.

I’ve also been trying to sort out my feelings for this blog post all week and they are all over the place. There are so many things that make me angry and frustrated, but based on the comments on the t-shirt post, I know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

We know these attitudes exist and have strong opinions about them, so awareness isn’t the issue for us. Plus, there are plenty of blogs out there already focusing on that. Instead, I’d like to focus on the good.

Here’s a simple analogy: One of the ways to rid your lawn of weeds is not to kill them with poison, but to plant more grass seed. More grass plants will thicken the lawn and prevent weeds from sprouting.

Too many stories about hope, courage, strength, bravery, determination, faith, cooperation and kindness are getting lost in today’s world. I want to celebrate these stories, these people and their work. Our children need better role models than what they are getting.

I’d like to start by talking about the three women who won the Nobel Peace Prize, but they deserve their own post. The documentary “Pray the Devil Back to Hell,” which focuses on Leymah Gbowee’s work toward peace in Liberia, airs next Tuesday on PBS. I plan to have something written up by then. You can view some powerful clips from the movie here.

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which came first: dumb t-shirts or dumb attitudes?

Every Fall for the past few years I have gone to Neat Repeatz, one of Lincoln’s largest consignment sales, looking for some cute and affordable clothes for my daughter. This is where I first learned that cute for toddler girls is anything pink or lavender covered in princess decals. I had to shop the boys section if I wanted to find anything with primary colors, trains, cars or dinosaurs.

Last week I learned that cute for little girls isn’t so cute. As I looked through the hundreds of t-shirts, I found the princess theme for this age group is now “Treat Me Like the Princess I Am” and “Her Royal Highness.”

dumb t-shirts

Even less cute are JC Penney’s and Forever 21’s back-to-school t-shirts: “I’m too Pretty for Homework, so My Brother Has to Do it for Me” and “My Best Subjects: Boys, Shopping, Music, Dancing” and “Allergic to Algebra.” They have been pulled from inventory after enormous public criticism, but how they even made it to sale is troubling to me.

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It doesn’t stop there. I recently read Lisa Bloom’s Think and discovered some scary statistics.

  • A quarter of young women would rather win “America’s Next Top Model” than the Nobel Peace Prize, according to Oxygen Media.
  • Half would rather get hit by a bus than get fat, according to USA Today.
  • Fifty-one percent say that becoming famous is their number one or number two goal in life, according to the Pew Research Center.
  • Most American women can name at least one Kardashian sister, but the majority can’t name a single branch of the federal government.

Seriously, ladies?

It’s becoming clear to me this is no longer about finding appropriate clothing for my daughter. I have to ask, does a market filled with “Too Pretty for Homework” type t-shirts cause this problem or do the t-shirts exist because of the problem?

I also have to ask how the parents of boys feel about all of this. Are you noticing similar trends? I’ll admit that I’m probably more exposed to the girl side of things because I have a daughter. Share your thoughts!

related links:
– julie-k tutorial: ruffling up some boys t-shirts
-in the news: JCPenney’s Too Pretty for Homework t-shirt
-in the news: Forever 21’s Allergic to Algebra t-shirt
-statistics: published on CBS’s website, along with a link to an excerpt of Think

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my words on september 11, 2001

I started writing on the Internet in 2003. It wasn’t until the year after my daughter was born that I started writing about September 11th. Before she was born, I just dealt with the memories on the inside. Since then I’ve realized that some day I’m going to have to talk about all of this with her. Not only am I going to have to explain the historical events, but how that day affected her mom and dad. I’ve been changed forever. Will my words change her forever?

Even though I wasn’t writing online back then, I was active in an online forum. I had stumbled upon this group of people who discussed all kinds of things: politics, life, food and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Really, what more could you ask for in online friends?

They were the ones I spent most of the day with on September 11th. I was alone in my office. News websites weren’t loading. TV reception was horrible. I needed to know what was going on. I needed to talk to other people. Thankfully, they were there, looking for the same things.

Those words are locked as our permanent archive of that day and the day after. Ten years later, I checked to see if they were still there and was transported back to my desk in an office building on 17th and K.

My thoughts are scattered throughout multiple conversations about different topics, but I’m going to try and pull them together for my own historical record. I’m not going to edit them too much for grammar or context. I hope they aren’t too disconnected. They obviously make sense to me. Ten years is a long time, and even though I feel like I remember everything as if it was yesterday, there are details that I don’t want to forget.

I’m in DC. I’m stuck downtown. a few blocks from the White House. it’s major gridlock. my co-worker’s husband works at National. we are getting scary reports of another hijacked plane. I’m shaking. it seems like dream. I’m so glad you all are online. I can’t get through to CNN, MSNBC, nothing. we have the news on, but there are so many rumors. stay in touch!
—
I’m still stuck in DC. things are quieting down. gridlock is over. most places are closed. I’ve got a ride out around 3 pm. checking the forum and watching tv until then.
—
I can’t figure out what this underlying feeling is that I have. I think it is anger. I’m really angry. angry at people who would do this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before. and I don’t know where to direct my anger. I want to cry, but I can’t.
—
a friend’s son is in school right outside of dc. they are staying open normal time. trying to keep some sense of normalcy for the kids. only 4th graders and up have been told what has happened. I think this is a good thing. knowing how numb I feel right now, I can’t even imagine the panic a child would feel.
—
ok, I’m signing off. the mayor has ordered people to evacuate DC so I am catching a ride and will wait for my husband in maryland. good luck to all.
—
low tech weapons? they used a plane full of fuel! where did you all hear about the box cutters? scary. I heard on the news an interesting comment, that made me take pause. we live in a country that is very open. we don’t want security cameras on our street corners, we don’t want a military presence on our streets. as a result, we are vulnerable to these types of attacks. but would you want to live under tighter security and give up other freedoms?
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jeesh! how can we can protect ourselves against attacks like this? we are still waiting to hear about two more family members in NYC. all day at work I kept thinking, “I can’t wait to be home and watching this on tv instead if it happening down the street.” now that I home, I feel emotionally exhausted. I am so grateful that my husband and I are safe. thanks again to all of the wonderful people on this forum. you’ve all had a very grounding affect on me today. I really appreciate it.
—
I’m back in DC today. 17th and K. it feels bizarre. things look the same but don’t feel the same. the guy who plays the violin by the metro is still there. same homeless people hanging out on the corner. the woman who sells krispy kremes on the corner is still hollering “donuts for sale.” the perimeter around the white house is 18th and I, so I know I am close to things. I don’t ever pass by the pentagon, so its images on tv feel just as unreal as those from new york. I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel flat. deflated. sad. we heard from our cousins in new york. they are safe. thank god!
—
ok, I take back what I said earlier today. I just came back from lunch and there are humvees on every corner along with the National Guard. I don’t know how I am going to get any work done.
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more evacuation in dc: apparently they evacuated the street down from me (16th I think) around 4 pm because of a bomb scare. I didn’t even know it. a coworker just called me from the street saying it’s crazy gridlock with tons of police down there. how did I not hear about this for two hours?
—
I finally began to release when I saw the guy from Cantor Fitzgerald. before then I was in such a state of denial, nothing seemed real. but now, it is really starting to sink in. I cried a lot last night.

Those words aren’t the only ones I’ve avoided for the past ten years. Downstairs boxed up in the basement with other miscellaneous stuff from our house in Maryland are three magazines — Time, New York and The New Yorker — dated September 24, 2001. Magazines that were purchased, but never read. I think it’s time to get them out. Time to honor the heroes and victims within those pages by reading their stories.

This is going to be a tough week.